I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
