Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
