today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
