He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
