So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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