I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize