Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
