My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
