i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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