This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
