And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
