I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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