Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
