we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
