i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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