you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
only you would photoshop your dick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
