We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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