I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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