I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
