Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
