Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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