billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
