Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
