I cockslap morals
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
