a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
