the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
