Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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