This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
