I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
