if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
