You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
