I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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