Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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