Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
