Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
