I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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