i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
