listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
