i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
