That's intense
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
