He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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