I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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