your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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