I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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