I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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