This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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