I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
