Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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