This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
