He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
