I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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