if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
