I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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