i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
