i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
