I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
