oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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