Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
