go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
