the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
