When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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