Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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