Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
