he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
