How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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