It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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