so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
