I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
