Define "chronic" masturbator.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
