they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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