how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
