i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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