someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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