why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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